Introduction and Bios

Self-description and general information

Hi reader,

                Honestly, I don't know how to write the things I need to write here even though there are guidelines already. It's like my mind turns blank whenever I face the computer and I think I know why. I could've finished this earlier but thinking, reflecting about 'me' again is already a thing of the past and I keep running away from it. This blog wants the facts and truth about me but it's been a long time since I shared to other people about myself. I don't know if I have been myself all these times or just going with the flow with my life and hiding the real me or I have been okay all along and I have not just seen the bigger picture that this is the real me already. However, I have no choice anyways. :P

Me?

I am,

definitely weird

             prideful

             self-righteous

             cynical

             observant

             lazy as hell

             frank

             easily irritated

             easy to talk to

             friendly

             understanding (depends on the situation)

             a friend who you can turn to

sometimes a bitch

               moody

               too quiet

               have colds

               crazy

               doesn't want to be disturbed

               potty mouth

               distracted (pressured or pre-occupied times)  

                      funny

wants to be a alone

                    understood

             earn money but too lazy to do so

         a dorm/condo near the school

             have fun but no time to do so :P

             help in people emotionally

             earn lots of money (someday)

loves spongebob

        cute dogs

        distracting myself by playing computer games

        weird people like myself

        my friends

        lying in bed

        being surrounded by loving friends

        laughing at my jokes

hates naggers

        vegetables

        bitches or bullies

        rude people

        who doesn't know their limits

        to be blamed all the time

        smokers

        users

        feeling close

        boastful

I think this is me :/ too much negative but it's the truth  :P

Past

Unforgettable childhood memories

For me, I didn't treasure my childhood memories that much but I do remember some of those moments. One thing that I remember so much is that ever since I was about 6 years old I was already playing computer games with my brother. My dad was well acquainted with computers and it's kind of needed because of his job, so my mom decided to buy a Hewlett Packard (hp) family computer. My brother and dad installed games and I started to use the computer as well. When I go to my preparatory school in qc, which is just on the other street of my mom's work office. Of course, before going to school, I just stay most of the time at my mom's work place. I even remember going to her boss's computer and play ms-dos games. I was that fond of the computer at that age. So I grew up playing in front of the computer and I see everyone amazed on how I easily understand on how to use it. Other than Microsoft office and games, I was never aware of using other softwares since I was not introduced to those kinds of things until I reached computer class in my first year high school. There were times too that I play too much that my parents are really mad for me being addicted to it. I have more to say about my parents but that's on the other segment of this blog. I just want to say that I became who I am now because of the environment I grew up into. I even tried to deviate from the norm of my habits but I still ended up here.

Family relations

My relationship with my family represents the two sides separated by a clear glass wall. I see them, they see me, but there's still that part that we can't reach each other. It's been like that ever since and I grew up getting used to it. In a relationship, it's a two way street, both sides should understand and communicate well with each other to work. In my perspective, with my family, it isn't. I've learned to be independent and learned so much through my experiences that my family doesn’t know much about me. My family always has been seeing my flaws and negatives about me that they didn't have the time to appreciate or to know the positives in me. I've been fighting with my mom most of the times and sometimes I just let her nag and say things that really hurt me because I'm already tired. Don't ever think I didn't tried to be close with her because like what I've said it's always been two way and I've tried to reach her but she won't let me, so it's been like this ever since. We make jokes sometimes but I've never been close to my family because I just use the computer to be my lightning rod and just be distracted with all of it. In short, I've grew tired of trying, I just ran away from it. It wasted all of my time and effort to trying to reason out and making them to understand me. I don't know if doing that means that I just understood and accepted my family as that or it's just me making up some reasons not to deal with them anymore. There is a relation on how I grew up beside a computer most of my time. It is because of my relationship with my family especially with my mom.  When I was in high school, I’ve been with good friends and I realized that I have to socialized more and start to discover where I'm good at. I tried asking my mom if I can join dance and basketball workshops also guitar lessons but she keeps rejecting all of it. I want to see myself what more that I can do besides being good at computer. I was having that point in my life that I don't want to just stick at this thing. I even tried to join Youth for Christ organization. . Miraculously I have forced my mom to accept but it didn't last long because I wasn't able to be active after a while since of the unsupportive of her for me to go at the meetings. There were clubs at school as well for those kinds of things but it requires extensions and more meetings that my mom always says that it's always been a bother for my parents because it is also them have to make time for my time. They were too overprotective of me. I understand that part but what I don't want to understand is that why they can't support me, the time that I needed their support.

Ever since then I've been stuck of what I know, where I'm good at and never did get that chance to discover myself even more. 

  

I have this complicated relationship with my family especially with my mom. My dad is better than my mom in terms of understanding but he's been under her rule so he can't do anything about my mom's decisions for the family. My sister's been close with my mom (housewife now) ever since she hasn't got a job yet and stays in the house. She's having same attitudes like my mom the longer she can't find a job. For me, I've been closest with my brother since he's always been so passive. If we get the chance to talk, we talk without deviating into a topic about my negatives and that's good enough for me. It's hard to be with my family without them judging me all the time :/  There is too much to say but it requires much time of thinking and writing to say all I want to share.

Relationship with friends as a child

I didn't have the chance to have friends in our neighborhood so I usually have met my friends in school. I was a dead kid or so they call it in which I don't have permanent friends in grade school days. After preparatory school, I was transferred into an exclusive school for girls. In that point in time I don't know how to make friends and just go with different people in the school. As I grow up, I have realized that they are divided in groups that I don't know where I belong to. I graduated in grade school, I didn't knew who were my true friends are and by then I told myself I have to change who I am. I want to be that person who can adapt to people's wants and attitude. I also went through the stage that I even treat my school mates for lunch just to win them over. I've been that person who goes with the flow, flexible and understandable. People have accepted me because of the change I made to myself. I transitioned to be a very open and friendly person that people have come to like me for who I am, in what they call it a bit 'popular'. There are those people who judged me too but I didn't let them get into me because I have discovered my true friends were. At the last year of my high school, I had my first barkada and we consist of 12 people. However, two people in our barkada we were having problems with ever since but we got used to it and just passed through the time just talking about them or laugh about it instead 'together'. Then, college took over... :P 

School history

I took nursery; the school near our house in San Mateo named Guardian Angel. My mother was working in Quezon City and there was a good school near it so she let me study there for preparatory so I it would be easier for her to fetch me. St. Mary's college was at the Mother Ignatia street, Quezon City. Furthermore, my mom planned to have an early retirement from her job and let me transferred to the same school as my sister, which is St. Scholastica's Academy of Marikina. I studied there until I graduated from high school. Moreover, I tried applying for UP, CSB, DLSU, Miriam College, and my dream school which is Ateneo. I passed my CSB, DLSU, and Miriam entrance exams so I decided to picked La salle and pursued Computer Science. I was culture shocked and didn't recover for a lot of terms so I kind of failed some subjects in which it was the first time of my life to fail. My college years are very life changing for me and I learned a lot from it. I kind of wasted almost 3 years of my life trying to survive at my course that I didn't realized that I'm killing my career slowly. I can't take the pressure because of my very strict mom, the location of my house, difficulty of the course and many factors in my life that have distracted or prevented me to study harder. Many things have happened and I was forced to transfer to Benilde and took an art course instead of a BS course. I started to think through about what I am passionate about. I think CSB was God's plan for me, I'm seeing how things change because of it.

Love life

Before, when I love someone, I really gave my whole heart to that person but not one ever did turned out that good, that is why they didn't made it into my present. However, every person that I love, I always learn something and it made me grew into a better person. It changed things in my life. I didn't get into any relationships yet because the situation that always happens in me is that 'there are people who have loved me but I didn't love them back and the people I have loved who they didn't love me back'. Well my friends always say it's just wasn't the right one. I don't know if I'm just too choosy or they were just right. However, for me, the times when I love, my grades always went down, so I think, it would be better if I just not focus on my love life yet. I don't want any distractions again. There is a part in me too that because of the things that happened in my life I have always been avoiding to love again or any chance of love and I run away from my emotions. It's like I am already traumatized of being hurt again. I don't know how to deal with it again; I want to be happy without anything to worry about yet. Moreover, I really agree that girls tend to love so much and that's what I hate about it. There are some people that will toy with your emotions and use your kindness so we should always leave something for ourselves. Nonetheless, experiences in love gives us more wisdom and makes us stronger so I have no regrets in all that happened, just moving forward.

Present

Ideas usually misinterpreted

I have been staring at this portion for a long time and all I can think of is "I have no idea". I think plenty of things in my life are misinterpreted and they have their own opinion about it. Only those who understand them are the ones I'm with them in my life right now and for those who doesn't understand them but still in my life, I'm just tolerating and persevering. Enough said.

Source of motivation

My source of motivation is always been my experiences. The wisdoms that we take in will be the ones that will mold our lives. Every failures and mistakes is one step closer into learning new things so I greatly accept anything that happens in my life. There are great downfalls but it's up to our choices if we will stand up or remained face down to the floor. It's that simple. Our future relies for that luck to happen because we are the ones who will be rolling those dices. 

Most important values

My principles are simple:

"Mabait ako sa mga mababait sa akin, at kung masama ka sa akin... alam na."

"Learn from it"

"Don't bother chasing a person who doesn't want to be chased"

"If you don't accept me for whom I am then so be it"

"Just be true to yourself"

"Bullies don't have real friends"

"Be frank but know your limits"

Views on religion and spirituality

"Always have faith"

No matter what happens everything relies on what you believe in and not in the beliefs of others. We can't prevent doubts sometimes but we are here now because we create our own fate and it is shown that we didn't give up in our life. We are alive and never lose faith.

Current intimate relationship

There are times there is a feeling of emptiness and loneliness but for me I would want to enjoy my life without adding any more problems. The boys in my life are my friends and why would I stick to one if I can have them all (not selfishly speaking). I would rather have many friends at the moment than giving all my time to only one person. I'll have that moment but not now. I am currently satisfied.

Future

Life goals

to graduate

to be rich in terms of wisdom

to be successful

to prove myself to my family and friends

to achieve my dream job and dream salary.

dream salary == dream house and cars

Goal for the next 10 years

to graduate

to be rich in terms of wisdom

to be successful

to prove myself to my family and friends

to achieve my dream job and dream salary.

    (yeah, copy paste :)) )

to have the love of my life and having kids that I will be close to them like a best friend.

to learn how to cook

In retrospect

Your insights about yourself after this project

Honestly, I really reflected so long with my answers and it's been a long time since I've done that. This project helped me in a way that it cleared my mind with a little bit worrying about the deadline. I have rediscovered myself because I have been avoiding reflecting because I don't want to recall my past. Moreover, it's been a good that I have achieve doing such work :D